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Paul asks…

TIME”””””joke?

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?”

The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.”

The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?” The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

Dusty answers:

Hehehe, well after all that, he wears a watch, pmsl hun

star time

xxxxxxxxxxx

Steven asks…

Is Jimmy Carter a better human being than Jesus was?

Jimmy Carter is a man of Jesus. In fact, he is better than Jesus because he does not lie to people. Jesus is well known to have boasted to be a carpenter. Funny thing about Jesus is that there is not one story in the Bible that says he was a carpenter. Not one. Zero. Zilch. Jimmy Carter builds houses with his bare hands for people in need. There is not any evidence in the Bible that Jesus built any thing, not even hanging a shelf or building a dollhouse. Carter is a man that knows his way around tools, clearly a skilled builder familiar on how to use a hammer and nails. Jesus was a man that lied to people; he clearly wanted to be his dad Joseph who actually was a carpenter. Sadly, the only exposure Jesus had to a hammer and nails was at the end of his life when the Romans were driving nails through his body on the cross. The irony of it all is that is this is probably the moment Christ learned how a hammer worked.

Dusty answers:

The fact that Carter exists makes him, by default, a better human being than the imaginary Jesus.

Thomas asks…

Was Jimmy Carter better than Jesus?

Jimmy Carter is a man of Jesus. In fact, he is better than Jesus because he does not lie to people. Jesus is well known to have boasted to be a carpenter. Funny thing about Jesus is that there is not one story in the Bible that says he was a carpenter. Not one. Zero. Zilch. Jimmy Carter builds houses with his bare hands for people in need. There is not any evidence in the Bible that Jesus built any thing, not even hanging a shelf or building a dollhouse. Carter is a man that knows his way around tools, clearly a skilled builder familiar on how to use a hammer and nails. Jesus was a man that lied to people; he clearly wanted to be his dad Joseph who actually was a carpenter. I would argue that Jimmy Carter helped more people on this earth than Christ did. Jesus just made all his friends quit their jobs and they were bums living off of other people.

Dusty answers:

LOL You’ve got to get your head on straight.
Jesus was a fisherman not a carpenter though that was what his father was.

Robert asks…

Is Jimmy Carter better than Jesus Christ?

Jimmy Carter is a man of Jesus. In fact, he is better than Jesus because he does not lie to people. Jesus is well known to have boasted to be a carpenter. Funny thing about Jesus is that there is not one story in the Bible that says he was a carpenter. Not one. Zero. Zilch. Jimmy Carter builds houses with his bare hands for people in need. There is not any evidence in the Bible that Jesus built any thing, not even hanging a shelf or building a dollhouse. Carter is a man that knows his way around tools, clearly a skilled builder familiar on how to use a hammer and nails. Jesus was a man that lied to people; he clearly wanted to be his dad Joseph who actually was a carpenter. Sadly, the only exposure Jesus had to a hammer and nails was at the end of his life when the Romans were driving nails through his body on the cross. The irony of it all is that is this is probably the moment Christ learned how a hammer worked.

Dusty answers:

At least Jimmy Carter exists…

And accomplishes things…

IMHO

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Sandy asks…

Help me edit a paper due next week? I’m awful at editing. Thanks.?

Saint Joseph

At baptism, I was given the name .. (not putting my real name). This name was chosen because my parents simply liked the name and it was uncommon and different. I have chosen the name Joseph for my confirmation name because of his importance in the Catholic faith by being Jesus’ foster father. Having the name of Saint Joseph as part of me really makes me feel especially honored.
Saint Joseph is probably one of the most well-known Saints, being the foster father of Jesus and the husband of Mary, the Matriarch of our Church. He is the patron saint in many aspects, these are: the Universal Church, Belgium, Canada, China and Peru, of workers, fathers, the poor and craftsmen, and of a happy death. He also had a large list of symbols: the Infant Jesus, monstrance, chalice, cross, lamb, Bible, ladder, tools, dove, lily, rod, plane, and the carpenter‘s square.
God and the Bible tell us that Joseph was a “just man,” meaning that he was a very honest and fair man, never wanting chaos, yet often strict. God chose Saint Joseph for a reason. This man, God thought, can handle the pressure of being my son’s guardian. God thought he was capable of being the father of his son, which personally, I could never in a million years find a better honor.
At first Joseph was skeptical that Mary was faithful to him. Soon, an angel appeared in his dream and that obliterated his cynicism. He soon apologized to Mary who understood trying to see from Joseph’s point of view. Joseph soon became very protective of Mary which is reasonable considering that she held the Son of God in her womb.
After the Nativity an angel once again visited Joseph. This time telling him that the child was in danger! Joseph immediately took action, taking the group of three to Egypt, away from Herod’s soldiers. The Holy Family stayed there for multiple years before they went back to their hometown, Nazareth. The last time that Joseph is mentioned in the Bible was when Jesus went missing in the Temple. For all we know, Joseph could have died anywhere from the year of that occurrence or anywhere up to the time when Jesus’ stories began entering the New Testament.
Although Joseph most-likely did not live a lengthy life, he intercedes for us often.
We pray to Saint Joseph most often when we are: selling homes, helping the poor, and asking of protection, and, of course, just in general for help. Saint Joseph’s feast day is celebrated on March 19th of every year.
Joseph was a man that kept to himself, but was still generous and obliging. Being the son of a carpenter often made it difficult for Jesus to fit in. It is not rocket science to know that Jesus could not have cared less. Jesus looked up to his foster father and followed in his footsteps. The exception of this story was the Joseph was still solely human, unlike Jesus. Joseph still faltered; whereas, Jesus was sinless, and never possessed original sin. This meant nothing to Jesus; he still looked up to his father. He was “poor in worldly possessions, but rich in grace.”
St. Joseph impressed me the most when he accepted the obligation of being the foster father of Jesus. I am going to try and follow in Joseph’s path by taking the right path that is shown to me by God and try to trust in others. I can keep this focus by praying to my soon-to-be patron saint daily and trying to “hear” what he is telling me.
I see Saint Joseph as a good role model because of the fact that he specifically was chosen by God. This alone shows that he was a great man. The prayer to Saint Joseph is… “Almighty God, You entrusted to the faithful care of Joseph the beginnings of the mysteries of man’s salvation. Through his intercession may Your Church always be faithful in her service so that your designs will be fulfilled. Amen.”

Dusty answers:

You use the word “name” a lot, try to find a couple alternatives. But great paper:)

Sandra asks…

Edit My Paper Please!!!?

At baptism, I was given the name Cody James. This name was chosen because my parents simply liked the name and it was uncommon and different. I have chosen the name Joseph for my confirmation name because of his importance in the Catholic faith by being Jesus’ foster father. Having the name of Saint Joseph as part of me really makes me feel especially honored.
Saint Joseph is probably one of the most well-known Saints, being the foster father of Jesus and the husband of Mary, the Matriarch of our Church. He is the patron saint in many aspects, these are: the Universal Church, Belgium, Canada, China and Peru, of workers, fathers, the poor and craftsmen, and of a happy death. He also had a large list of symbols: the Infant Jesus, monstrance, chalice, cross, lamb, Bible, ladder, tools, dove, lily, rod, plane, and the carpenter‘s square.
God and the Bible tell us that Joseph was a “just man,” meaning that he was a very honest and fair man, never wanting chaos, yet often strict. God chose Saint Joseph for a reason. This man, God thought, can handle the pressure of being my son’s guardian. God thought he was capable of being the father of his son, which personally, I could never in a million years find a better honor.
At first Joseph was skeptical that Mary was faithful to him. Soon, an angel appeared in his dream and that obliterated his cynicism. He soon apologized to Mary who understood trying to see from Joseph’s point of view. Joseph soon became very protective of Mary which is reasonable considering that she held the Son of God in her womb.
After the Nativity an angel once again visited Joseph. This time telling him that the child was in danger! Joseph immediately took action, taking the group of three to Egypt, away from Herod’s soldiers. The Holy Family stayed there for multiple years before they went back to their hometown, Nazareth. The last time that Joseph is mentioned in the Bible was when Jesus went missing in the Temple. For all we know, Joseph could have died anywhere from the year of that occurrence or anywhere up to the time when Jesus’ stories began entering the New Testament.
Although Joseph most-likely did not live a lengthy life, he intercedes for us often.
We pray to Saint Joseph most often when we are: selling homes, helping the poor, and asking of protection, and, of course, just in general for help. Saint Joseph’s feast day is celebrated on March 19th of every year.
Joseph was a man that kept to himself, but was still generous and obliging. Being the son of a carpenter often made it difficult for Jesus to fit in. It is not rocket science to know that Jesus could not have cared less. Jesus looked up to his foster father and followed in his footsteps. The exception of this story was the Joseph was still solely human, unlike Jesus. Joseph still faltered; whereas, Jesus was sinless, and never possessed original sin. This meant nothing to Jesus; he still looked up to his father. He was “poor in worldly possessions, but rich in grace.”
St. Joseph impressed me the most when he accepted the obligation of being the foster father of Jesus. I am going to try and follow in Joseph’s path by taking the right path that is shown to me by God and try to trust in others. I can keep this focus by praying to my soon-to-be patron saint daily and trying to “hear” what he is telling me.
I see Saint Joseph as a good role model because of the fact that he specifically was chosen by God. This alone shows that he was a great man. The prayer to Saint Joseph is… “Almighty God, You entrusted to the faithful care of Joseph the beginnings of the mysteries of man’s salvation. Through his intercession may Your Church always be faithful in her service so that your designs will be fulfilled. Amen.”
And no Cody James is not my real name,,, not that stupid.

Dusty answers:

First of all, drop all the reference to yourself when you discuss his vita. It’s of no use telling us that you are honored by bearing his name after you made it perfectly clear in the introduction.
Secondly avoid using words too often, if you use words too often you will have words too often and that, words too often I mean, will be annoying, did I mention I’m talking about words too often, and distracting.

Let’s take these sentences:
“SOON, an angel appeared in his dream and that obliterated his cynicism. He SOON apologized to Mary who ({understood trying to see from Joseph’s point of view} that does not make much sense, apart from being grammatically wrong, why does Mary have to understand that he nows believes that she is carrying Jesus?). Joseph SOON became very protective of Mary ({which is reasonable considering that she held the Son of God in her womb} I’d reckon to drop this, it’s irrelevant, it’s like someone else added a sentence to fill a blank).”

And let’s take a closer look at this too:

“I see Saint Joseph as a good role model because of the fact that he specifically was chosen by God. This alone shows that he was a great man.”

I have to disagree, Jakob (later Israel) was also chosen by God, and he was not a nice person to be around with, a pragmatic bastard, who betrayed his own brother, tricked his father and even used his family as a living shield.
There are other things that made God choose him in the first place, that make him a great man. Jakob only became a great man at the end of the tale, after having symbolically (but still succesfully) fought God.
“Being the son of a carpenter often made it difficult for Jesus to fit in.” Explain, I see no reason why.

“(…) Jesus’ stories began entering the New Testament.” Jesus IS the Story of the new testament.

“The exception of this story was the Joseph was still solely human, unlike Jesus.” Shouldn’t that be like: “Even though Jesus was divine and Joseph was human”

So that’s all, check the spelling again, adapt things that don’t make sense, or don’t fit, etc.
I also think it’s a bit short, but then if they ask 100 words, I write a 1000 so who am I to judge?

Chris asks…

What are some good underrated bands?

Here are a list of bands I like:

Godflesh
Faith No More
Mr. Bungle
Carcass
The Carpenters
Swans
Black Flag
Collective Soul
Tool
Acid Bath
Portishead
Prince
Radiohead
Tennesse Ernie Ford

Any kind of band from any era would work. i like a lot of different stuff. Grindcore, old country, industrial, electronica, bossa nova, thrash, any thing really except rap,hip-hop or disney stuff

Dusty answers:

The Young Gods- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufgshjyx4Ws

Big Black- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk6Ku_PMlOA

Killing Joke- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtmnx6XlyjQ

OLD- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3EY1hzcKbI

Kong- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=renM3LM7yHY

Melt Banana- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ6Sk8Aj-SQ

Pigface- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzCZyv4ebkA

Pailhead- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4iX2vp0daI

Assück- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpoyDm5eTJw

Lard- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry0TyIJXgoU

Laura asks…

What kind of knife can I carry for work in the UK?

For the last few years I have been working as a stage carpenter/technician in California. For work I (and many others I know) always made it a habit to carry a 3 1/2 inch partially serrated locking liner folding knife clipped inside my front pocket. It is a great all-purpose tool and especially useful because I can get to it with one hand.
Where I come from its common to see people of many occupations carrying such knives, even people involved in stocking for retail shops (for cardboard boxes), but since arriving in the UK I’ve discovered that the subject is much more sensitive here. I figured it was primarily a big issue with teenagers, and as long as I kept quiet and only took the knife out of my pocket to really use as a tool on the job all would be well.
However, my boss found me cutting some plastic sheeting in the loading bay of the theatre today and warned me that I better not let anyone passing by see my ‘tool’. So my question is: A) can I use this knife indoors at work? B) can I carry it to and from work in my pocket? and C) can I use it outdoors in the immediate vicinity of my workplace?

the particular model is the last one listed here (Denali): http://crkt.com/14ksummt.html

Dusty answers:

No you are fine , You have what is called lawfull excuse as the knife is a work tool and it can be any size or design you wish. Yes people are very ott about knives in the uk at the moment but remember the legislation prohibiting them is only an act and therfore requires your consent and they are not unlawful under common law.

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Linda asks…

Hey, Anybody can read my essay. But i dunno how to say this my conclusion. this is okay?

Much like the community in The Giver by Lois Lowry, the Amish live in an isolated community of their own, apart from the rest of society. Today, the Amish people haven’t changed at all over the centuries. The men are still required to wear beards, while the women to wear black bonnets. Moreover, some children have been known to quit school in their late teen years. Additionally, Amish people still do not use the electricity. They prefer to try alternative solutions such as man power and horse power. However, the Amish people have probably suffered from this particular lifestyle more than gained from it.
The Amish children typically quit going to school around eight grades. Their parents would rather train them the skills necessary to become farmers, carpenters, and housewives, or another skill. Most children from about fifteen and up begin practicing these skills through adult. These children learn how to work on the farm, such as tend to the land, and learn how to correctly handle tools, like the horse and plow and scythes. Unlike most children age, Amish children spend most of their time working and learning how to be adults, and despite their young ages and they are very busy.
The Amish people are required to wear very plain clothing that is designed to not bring attention to individual. They wear different outfits depending on the place and event that the person is attending. For example, the women wear the women wear the white bonnets and men wear their beards for the marriages. However, the women wear the white bonnets for single and men are clean-shaved for single. These are just a few examples of the rules that Amish “plain” clothing.
The Amish don’t think electricity is necessary. For starter, the Amish don’t even allow electricity in their houses. They only use lanterns and candles. They also refuse to drive cars, as they run on the electricity. They either walk or use wagons or buggies to travel far distances. Last of all, the Amish also do not use electrical tools. Being Amish is hard, only those of us who were old or disabled and aren’t Amish would live a life like them.
The Amish is almost similar to The Giver. It is strict commonly the community. They wear the different clothes that are never changed in centuries. The Amish people have the tendency to stuffer all of time in life forever.

Dusty answers:

Remember that a conclusion is only a restatement of your introduction. If you’ve claimed that the Amish are hard workers and that they have suffered more than gained from living this lifestyle, rearrange it.

“The Amish lead a very difficult lifestyle. They seem to enjoy each day counting all that they do as rewarding. – sorry.. I’m not very good at this? You get the point? Kinda?

Make sure you go over it a few times, there are a few mistakes.

And introduction should be introducing what follows in the essay. So, you need to pin point exactly what you are trying to subject in each paragraph, and then add that one topic to your introduction (in order that they appear in the essay)

Overall, you see very knowledgeable about the subject.. Good work :)

Steven asks…

Can someone pre-edit this or correct my mistakes? It’s for my english/religion class.?

Jesus being a carpenter was only
mentioned once in the bible, he lived around 0-33 A.D., as a youth Jesus and his father, Joseph built wooden objects such as cribs, toys, furniture, and many other objects. Many of the stories in the bible relate to things made out of wood, such as the story where Jesus walks on water to call his disciples in the boat. That boat includes carpentry and it is made up of wood. Another story includes the crucifixion of Jesus when Jesus dies on a wooden cross. Carpentry includes planning, and working with hands.

The place where we find “Jesus is a
carpenter” in found only once in the New Testament. It is located in Mark 6:2-3
“Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed (Greek, ekplesso). “Where did this man get these things?” they asked. “What’s this wisdom that has been given him that he even does miracles! Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. Jesus said to them, “Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” Jesus was a carpenter for 30 years. When Jesus was on the Cross, he was doing the will of the Father, just like when Jesus was nailing a piece of wood in his carpentry, it was because He was God and doing the will of the Father. Joseph had died when Jesus was about 12 years old, so as Jesus grew older he carried on the carpentry.

Before when Jesus was young, there
were people who were extremely skilled in carpentry. They were extraordinarily skilled that there were few trees left in Israel. This led to the carpenters learning techniques that were highly skilled, so that they would not waste wood. Wood was rare and expensive, that they became immensely skilled at techniques of using wood so that nothing would be wasted. The Bible says that when Jesus was going to be born, he was going to be born into a family that was familiar with carpentry. Since the stepfather of Jesus was Joseph and was a carpenter in the city of Nazareth, in the province of Galilee. Jesus was raised in a carpenter‘s family. It was a custom among the Jews of the 1st century to teach their sons the skills that the father in the family had. So probably, at age 15, Jesus began to learn from Joseph. There was a saying among the Jewish men in Israel: “If you do not teach your son how to work, you teach him how to be a thief.”

Other stories in the Bible includes,
Jesus talking about building a tower in a vineyard, building a house “upon the rock” and not “upon the sand”, and in Matthew 13:55, He is referred to as “the son of a carpenter.” It’s just like what he does today, he repairs our “broken lives” by creating us a new, or make us whole again. When we do sin or offend God, Jesus can repair the damage and heal us from sin. Jesus is the Carpenter because according to John 1:3 it says, “All things came into being by Him, and apart from Him, nothing came into being that has come into being.” It means that Jesus is a carpenter because he created the universe. During the 1st century, Jesus was still building. He said, “Upon this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not overpower it.”

Jesus could have chosen to die by
being beheaded, or being stoned to death. But he chose to die a carpenter’s death because the Roman soldiers took hammers and nails and the tools of a carpenter and nailed him to a wooden cross.
Jesus demonstrates the value of a carpenter’s work by demonstrating that he can repair lives, and build things from scratch. Being a carpenter includes a different perspective of looking at wood. If a piece of wood is just lying on the ground, people tend to say that it is worthless and they don’t need it, but a carpenter would say that they can use it. It is the same way Jesus looks at us; he looks at our potential or the positive things. But we look at other people’s imperfections or the negative things in them.

Dusty answers:

I will be happy to edit it. I will put it in Word and highlight all necessary changes. Email me at bobalou12@yahoo.com

Robert asks…

Amish question!!! Kinda like Amish except more modern…?

I have had a couple interviews with a construction company (specializing mostly in concrete), met with their secretary, met with their president, and I think they are Amish, they wear bonnets, dresses, aprons, long-sleeve button-down shirts, canvas pants, and hats, the men have large beards, however, they use cell phones, power tools, gasoline powered tools, heavy diesel machinery, drive pick-up trucks, and overall seem very assimilated to secular cultures and seemed to be very ready to employ me, a dirty, young, redneck carpenter.
They live in the LaCrosse area of Central Wisconsin and speak with somewhat of a southern drawl.
If you know what they might be, please tell me some more about them, also the type of etiquette I should use on the job site, i.e. tobacco use, language, slang, overall manners.

Dusty answers:

They are either Amish or Mennonite people.
Not all Amish and Mennonites are against all forms of modern tech. They do use electricity, cell phones, etc.
The main thing that sets them apart is their religious beliefs and their conservative dress. They believe in G-d, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They believe that people should be honest, kind, and they believe that helping others in need is important. (They can be very nice people, once they feel that they can trust you.)

When working with them be polite, friendly and honest. These are the main things that they look for in people. (And avoid using crude language, alcohol and tobacco while working with them.)

Donald asks…

Sounds Silly but it pissed me off… Childish wife?

My problems with my wife seems endless,

A small fight last week escalated to a level that I’m not sure how to get out of it..

Sounds silly but it REALLY pissed me off.

Last week my wife began nagging (as usual) and demanded that I change my computer table.

I had this table for 8 years and it looks like new, and its was my design that I gave to a carpenter shop so it can store alot of discs, toold, and some computer components while taking a approximately a few inches wider than regular computer table. She got a laptop and rarely uses this table.

I asked her why she says that she wants a smaller computer… I said no I like this.. besides 99.99% of usage is done by me. So I am the one who decides wether to change it or not. Besides its color fits with the color of the furniture and wall paint pretty well. So no rational excuse for her demand,

She started nagging and I told her alright.. I don’t have time now so I will go next week and look for a table. She said no she wants it now.. I said forget it.

She spent 4 days not talking to me. Not a word. I left her alone, I don’t need to bother with silly matters like this.. besides, the last time I checked the doctor told me that my blood pressure is 140/100, he wanted some more checks but my appointment is way far, so he told me to relax and watch my temper until then.

Yesterday I decided to end this nonsense and talk to her. I was at work and I called her like nothing happened. She told me that her brother is at home. I said good we finally having guests.

I came home only to find a large portion of my table being torn off by a saw… despite having guests I was outrageous… I went yelling at her in front of her brother and his wife.. He tried to calm me down.

A few weeks ago she borrowed an electric saw and tools from her sister and she was cutting some old cabinets and tables. It turned out that she wanted a new table so she can use the wood of my computer table for her so called carpentry.

I was so furious when I heard it that I told her brother either to take the saw and tools with him when he leaves or else I will take them to her sister myself. He told me okay I will take them.

When he left I felt dizzy and and uncomfortable. Plus my FM episode started. so i went to bed. I barely slept after a few hours in bed. I woke up like 4 in the morning. My wife isn’t there… I went to the living room and found her sleeping there…

I don’t know about you guys.. I know its a silly fight but not talking for 4 days because I said (ok next week I will look for one) instead of buying it now… And not only that, she also takes off a big portion of my table.

Its not about money.. I can afford even a better more fancy one right away without affecting my usual spending for the month. But why this attitude?. I feel like I married a big old child instead of a woman. i see men marrying women much younger and their wives are way more mature than the big child I live with. She is 29 by the way.. aren’t people supposed to be mature by this age????????

Dusty answers:

I cannot believe what i have just read. Your wife is bad. I hope she will realize how lucky she is to have a patient husband, if what you said is all true.
Just be more patient.

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